You may have noticed me complaining lately about being stressed and tired. Then there are the cryptic comments and not to mention pulling out of the Chicago Women’s Half. I am about to share with you, dear readers, at least part of the reason why this is so.
Apparently making life altering / changing decisions can be stressful. Who knew? In fact, my chiropractor said I was a great example of how stress can affect a body.
So often song lyrics can express feelings much better than plain words. In that vein, recently the chorus of my life has been should I stay or should I go now? Long story short, the answer is go, and you may have put two and two together and arrived at St. Louis as my destination.
Wait, what? Did I just say I’m moving to St. Louis? In the way of back story, but still short, a former boss is now working in St. Louis, Mo. I had been debating whether or not I needed a change in my life and so I might have asked if there were any openings. And there were. My initial reaction was “Oh, crap! What have I done?” I may think I want change in my life, but I actually abhor change of any kind. But the deeper I got into discussion with the potential new job and with myself, I realized that while I don’t like change, sometimes it is a good thing. Fast forward to now, and I am leaving my old job to start a new one in St. Louis. Okay, deep breath. It gets more and more real each and every time I say it. I am moving to St. Louis. I am moving to St. Louis.
St. Louis?? I thought maybe at some point I would leave Seattle again but for Chicago, or New York, or Los Angeles. A big city. One with a big airport. An actual international airport. Not once did St. Louis EVER cross my mind. Ever. The only things I know about St. Louis are the World’s Fair was there (thanks to Judy Garland’s movie) and it has an arch.
I’m trying to look at this as an adventure. Not a forever adventure. Seattle is my home and I will be back some day. But a now adventure. A Midwest adventure. One that will hopefully let me explore a bit more of the country. And knock a few states off the list!
I’m slightly terrified to move half way across the country. To start over again. To make new friends. To carve out a life for myself. To find a new niche and support system. It is daunting to think about starting over. I do not make friends easily (part of that comes from being extremely shy).
Putting the starting over aspect aside, I am also nervous about the job. While I may complain about my current job, I have been there almost 10 years. There is a lot of familiarity and comfort that comes with being somewhere for 10 years! It’s not that I hated my job. Like any job, it had its good days and not so good days. And I love the people I work with. I may not necessarily have wanted to leave, but there came a point where I knew it was right to go. But now all the doubts are creeping in with regards to the new job. Will I really be able to do what they expect of me? Will I be able to adjust? Will they like me?
But I keep coming back to this one thing – you know when something is right? This has been an extremely difficult decision, but in the end, this is the path I’m supposed to be on – at least for now.
If I disappear for a while or get really quiet, this is the reason why. I am in the process of packing up my old life and getting ready to embark on a new chapter. I’m still here, just buried under a mountain of boxes. It is amazing how much stuff you can accumulate! I am using this as an opportunity to purge my possessions and start clean.
The more people I tell, the more this all becomes real, and not just a figment of my imagination. I am moving halfway across the country!!
With all this happening and trying to pack up my life, the Chicago Women’s Half was becoming more trouble than it was worth. A few days to explore Chicago didn’t seem like the best in light of all that I have to pack! Plus the chance to do Seattle RnR “one more time” was a huge draw.
Have you ever had to start over? Any words of wisdom about making friends, moving or St. Louis?